I'm not sure I have the words in me to express the deep loss that I felt all day long. It is evident every single day and therefore should be so clear to explain, yet it is not. Instead, I will just reference the one thing that got me through this day. My dad wrote me a letter over a year before he passed away. In it he spoke mainly of two things: my mom and little baby Bajoreks. My mom had not yet been diagnosed with cancer when he wrote the letter, and I wouldn't become pregnant for another year after receiving it. He had no clue the turn of events that were about to take place. It doesn't take a daughter who wants so badly to think that everything happens for a reason to realize that my dad so obviously longed for two (of probably many more) things as he wrote this letter: 1) to not leave his wife behind after he passed away and 2) for me to be blessed with children. Today, that is exactly how things turned out. His "wife and best friend" as he referenced my mom, is with him. And as painful as it is not to have either one of them here on Earth, that is just the way it should be. And two months to the day after he passed away I was blessed with two beautiful daughters. I know that he is looking down on each of us...me, Phil, Mark and Courtney...and is proud of us for having the strength to keep going when we all could have very easily given up. Some days throwing in the towel seems a much easier path, but that deep unforgettable voice of Larry Seger is always close by and telling me to "Keep your head up, doll. You can do it." And he is right, we can do it. But that doesn't mean it's easy and we don't miss the hell out of him every single day.
Matt and my dad surveying our 2008 Christmas tree. We often went to Scherle tree farm to cut down the biggest/tallest tree you have ever seen. Always had to be over 12' tall, anything shorter was just a weed. This is a tradition I already miss, but I have so many fond memories.
I also had to post this pic b/c this sums up my dad...ALWAYS doing something to cause trouble!
And onto those children that my dad referenced by saying, "...trust me, if I've got my way I'll see little Bajoreks playing baseball, softball, football, tennis or volleyball." Lilly and Diana aren't quite doing THAT yet, but they are definitely active little girls at 10 months old! They both are unstoppable...exploring every inch of the ground around them, and above them for that matter. They crawl, climb, pull up, fall down. They follow each other now. One will take off from the family room to the kitchen, and the other watches her for a second, then follows right behind (although not always...that would be too easy!) They are talking a lot...sometimes I think it sounds more like singing because they just go on and on and on without stopping.
Their personalities have not changed a whole lot but I definitely noticed a difference in both of them after Diana came home from the hospital. She who was once my independent little darling became a bit more attached, and has stayed that way. And Lilly who was more of the dependent one seems to have outgrown that (for the time being.) Obviously this is not surprising considering Diana was held by Matt and I for 10 days straight while Lilly was held by someone new every couple of hours. Lilly is still the boss...stealing toys and pacifiers and all around just picking on Diana. Diana is still spunky and feisty. When she wants something, she lets us know! And when she doesn't want something, she lets us know! And anytime that is left in between, she lets us know!
One thing we won't have to ask for Christmas are those two front teeth...all 4 of them have now come in!! Thank heavens for THAT breakthrough! Teething = no fun for anyone.
I wasn't able to get a 10 month picture of the girls today but hope to post one tomorrow. Do you really think I can trust two girls who NEVER sit still to not fall off the chair we've used in every monthly picture?? Too bad I wasn't able to keep those handcuffs from Nordstrom as souvenirs to tie the girls down!! (Sorry...had to throw in some BITTER humor to finish off this post and this day and prepare for bed.......)
1/1/11 - FINALLY posting the girls' 10 month photo! (Taken at about 10 1/2 months. Oops!)
